Monday, November 29, 2004
Thanksgiving
So much happens at this time of year. For one, I get back to NJ to see the people I love and left behind. Family, friends, italian food, bagels. It’s all there. I gained 6lbs of it this week! It is also a time to reflect. I remember the horrible condition I was in exactly 2 years ago. Lying in a hospital with no clue about what was happening to my body or my life. How am I different? How have I changed? What progress has beed made in life since that time?
Well, I am almost a Harvard grad. I own a home. I have 2 albums released since then. Those are material things though. Under the surface, I search sometimes for real differences. Positive profound changes that one would expect to come from such a life-altering experience. What I find is not always what I would like to find. Instead of acceptance, I find distrust. Instead of gratitude, I find confusion, depression, and anger.
There are several people close to me right now that are in advanced stages of terminal illness. These are people who have been cut down in the prime of their lives. When I talk to them, I do the best I can to keep things light and funny. If I can give them a laugh or a moment’s break from their fate, I feel as though I have done something worthwhile.
I think another thing that has come from this, is I have learned to minimize life’s parts into their lowest common denomenators. DATING: I know right away if I date someone whether it will work, or whether we may be taking valuable time away from each other’s lives. WORK: I do not want to let my life pass before me in a job I cannot stand like the one I am doing now. I have no passion for it and life is too short. SCHOOL: I have to stay the course for one more year to get this damn degree. MUSIC: Making and performing music is the only thing in my life that brings me any joy or satisfaction, so I really have to continue to make my life fit better around it.
I don’t know how important any of this is for anyone but me to read, but I will try and return to this passage as often as I can. Life itself is utter bullshit. None of it makes sense. The clothes, the tv, the money, the power. The only things that truly endure are the human connections you make with those around you and the happiness and contentment you take with you to the grave.
On that happy note, get off your asses and do something worthwhile with your lives.
-rw
