ROADKILL

Monday, December 13, 2004

blessing in disguise

has this happened to you?

when my ex and i split, i said some pretty horrible things.  i vowed to never speak to her again.  i went off and did my healing (are we ever done with our healing?) i wrote songs and gradually, the searing pain began to fade into a dull mistrust of and slight animosity for members of the opposite sex.  no, i didn’t go for guys or anything.  i just stopped opening myself up to the world.  memories began to fade after a while and i started to forget the past. 

then one day, the album comes out.  she hears it.  we have been talking a bit back and forth.  and i guess today’s life lesson is: someone who you spend a couple of years of your life with is an invaluable resource on the topic of YOU.  we just had a conversation, the details of which are a bit too personal to post here, that really helped make some sense out of the last year of my life.  it could have far reaching implications for me, if i let it

so, you get all that?
your ex is the “you encyclopedia”

later
-r

Thursday, December 09, 2004

you know the world is getting better when…

a complete stranger stops to ask you how your testicles are doing from repeated laptop use.

it happened!  just now…

referencing this story:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=10000102&sid=aXpVIeHdudOQ&refer=uk

keep your boys cool!

-rw

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

That meat dark enough for ya?

Ok, so I just got indirectly chewed out of being so negative on here.  It’s pretty hysterical the way depression works.  I mean, I just went back and read the last entry.  I think, what the fuck was I thinking???  But, holidays bring out the best in all of us I was really feeling that dark when I wrote it.  I do not censor myself, and I am not going to delete it or change it… However, it is worth posting that I am in a much better frame of mind after coming back to my home in Boston.  Maybe I should through a mood display on my website that has a color scheme.  Sort of a Tom Ridge, Homeland Mood Scale thingie.  Anyway, blah blah blah soon!

-rw

Monday, November 29, 2004

Thanksgiving

So much happens at this time of year.  For one, I get back to NJ to see the people I love and left behind.  Family, friends, italian food, bagels.  It’s all there.  I gained 6lbs of it this week!  It is also a time to reflect.  I remember the horrible condition I was in exactly 2 years ago.  Lying in a hospital with no clue about what was happening to my body or my life.  How am I different? How have I changed?  What progress has beed made in life since that time? 

Well, I am almost a Harvard grad.  I own a home.  I have 2 albums released since then.  Those are material things though.  Under the surface, I search sometimes for real differences.  Positive profound changes that one would expect to come from such a life-altering experience.  What I find is not always what I would like to find.  Instead of acceptance, I find distrust.  Instead of gratitude, I find confusion, depression, and anger.

There are several people close to me right now that are in advanced stages of terminal illness.  These are people who have been cut down in the prime of their lives.  When I talk to them, I do the best I can to keep things light and funny.  If I can give them a laugh or a moment’s break from their fate, I feel as though I have done something worthwhile.

I think another thing that has come from this, is I have learned to minimize life’s parts into their lowest common denomenators.  DATING: I know right away if I date someone whether it will work, or whether we may be taking valuable time away from each other’s lives.  WORK: I do not want to let my life pass before me in a job I cannot stand like the one I am doing now.  I have no passion for it and life is too short.  SCHOOL: I have to stay the course for one more year to get this damn degree. MUSIC: Making and performing music is the only thing in my life that brings me any joy or satisfaction, so I really have to continue to make my life fit better around it.

I don’t know how important any of this is for anyone but me to read, but I will try and return to this passage as often as I can.  Life itself is utter bullshit.  None of it makes sense.  The clothes, the tv, the money, the power.  The only things that truly endure are the human connections you make with those around you and the happiness and contentment you take with you to the grave.

On that happy note, get off your asses and do something worthwhile with your lives.

-rw

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Relevant story about the Sox

I hesitated to tell to many people this story up until now. 

About a year ago, I met a woman in the Harvard Square subway station.  It was late, and the trains were not running too frequently.  We struck up a bit of conversation.  It turns out this was her first week in Boston.  I asked her where she had moved from.  She said Seattle.  Seattle, I thought… Now that’s a perfectly good city.  We had toured there, had fun there, etc.  I asked what brought her, someone with no other ties to the east coast, to Boston from Seattle.

Suddenly, her face which had previously displayed the smiles of one stranger flirting with another turned to stone.  She said without flinching, “because the Red Sox are going to win the World Series, and I want to be here to see it.  I think it is really going to change people’s lives.”

I laughed to myself.  I though, what a wacko.  Then 10 days ago, the most unlikely events in sports history began to unfold.  It began with the Sox battling back from an 0-3 deficit to defeat the Yankees and ended with them sweeping the Cards to win the World Series.

I don’t know where that woman is now, but I am so glad I met her.  I am so proud of this team, and so happy to be a part of this town.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Congrats to brotha Steve

So, I am the proudest brother in the world.  No, he didn’t have a baby, or get married, or graduate college or anything. And no, he didn’t save a kitten from a tree… but he did get hired by his good friends BIG & RICH who are on top of the music world right now.  Steve will be the backstage and guitar tech for the new tour.  Kick ass little bro!!!  Their site is http://www.bigandrich.com They were opening up for Tim McGraw but apparantly became either too big or too rich… I don’t know which one.  If he makes his site public, I will post the URL here.  I think he should DEFINITELY keep an online journal of his “adventures” on the road

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Math for idiots

i am sitting here in the most basic math class Harvard has to offer me.  You see, no matter what your skills in life are, you ain’t gettin’ a Harvard degree without a math class.  This is so mind-numbing.  As a small consolation, there is wireless internet in this lecture hall.  I believe the chair i am sitting on was made from the original wood founded by Harvard 363 years ago!  My ass fell asleep 20 minutes ago.  I will start jamming my pen into my eye socket to see if that wakes me up.  Well, that’s enough imagry for now, huh? 

I think we are finally ready to unveil the album cover and release a tune from the new cd.  Emily Lazar returned the master and OH MY GOD… you true believers out there… those who have been there with me from the start…

YOU WILL SOON BE REWARDED!

-rw

Thursday, September 23, 2004

my poor blog

it just sits there unloved… here is further proof from a recent chat session:

HER:  any good reviews?  12:04:07PM

ME:  tons, but i suck at keeping things organized 12:04:19PM

HER:  that’s too bad 12:04:28PM

ME:  so i dont know if they are updated on the site 12:04:29PM

HER:  you need an assistant 12:04:34PM

ME:  i need an assistant, a manager, a booking agent, a pr person, a radio promoter, and the list goes on 12:05:26PM

HER:  probably one person can do all of that 12:05:43PM

ME:  not well 12:05:59PM

HER:  and someone to remind you that you haven’t written anything new on your blog for a month… 12:06:13PM

ME:  but if they even tried, they would do more than is getting done now.  12:06:18PM

HER:  really?  12:06:18PM

HER:  why not?  12:06:20PM

ME:  yeah, i know, the blog 12:06:24PM

ME:  i suck 12:06:27PM

HER:  you probably need a full time person and a pt assistant 12:06:38PM

so there you have it folks… further evidence that i am one busy dude who needs your help and support.  any charitable donors out there?

-russell
(come to the show tonight!)

Thursday, August 26, 2004

BIG DOG

yesterday for the whole day, i was wearing one of my Big Dogs T-shirts.  I guess I have joined the big dogs now.  I woke up this morning in my own home, situated on my own property, walked naked from my bedroom to my bathroom in my master suite, took a big dog leak, then came back to the bedroom… THOROUGHLY SATISFIED.  i mean this is really a trip!  I cannot believe I am a homeowner.  It will sink in over time.  I may post some pics of the place online.  As for day one though, all is well.  now back to moving crap in from my old house!  -rw

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

on the eve of the closing

i am listening to this streaming 80’s station.  Bon Jovi is blasting right after an “unplugged” version of Animal from Def Leppard.  Those guys were pretty great, eh?  Anyway, here I am, about to move again.  I made a promise to myself that this time, I wouldn’t move again until I bought a house.  I set that goal for myself when i moved to Boston in 2001.  Little did I know just how fucked up the housing market was up here. 

Oooh, INXS is on… AND THEY COULD NEVER TEAR US A PART… do do do do.... do do do do…

ok, so in 2002, i get so seriously ill.  looking at death in a serious way, I reflect on my life.  what haven’t i done?  i had another record in me… that one is coming out VERY soon.  i wanted to maybe get married and start a family someday (jury is still out on that one) and i wanted to own my own house.

so, i started looking this year.  after 8 months of searching through the garbage in Boston, i found my dream home.  it it is a fricken fortune, but with room enough for renters to help quite a bit on the mortgage.  and as it turned out, it was only 4 houses from where i live now!

peter gabriel “sledgehammer”

great mix tonight!

tomorrow morning, i write the largest check i have ever imagines writing.  then, i come home to my house… my home… the one i have worked my entire life to earn the right to live in.  come by and visit!  g’nite!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

LANDLORD WOLFF

Yeah yeah, I know, what the fuck happened to July?  Or to writing regularly?  I agree.  But, in the little space, we put out a preview of the new cd.  It kinda rocks.  Must hear!  And, I found a house, bought it, and am working on getting renters.  If you know anyone looking in the Boston area, let me know.  So much risk with a home purchase.  I read all these stories about people getting really rich buying a few properties.  I am working on one and I am already exhausted.  How do they do it?  I think people should make money the old fashioned way, inheritance from a relative who kicks it!  Anyway, I am working on some bookings for the fall.  I hope everyone is having a great summer!

-rw

Friday, June 18, 2004

WOLFF MAKES DEAN’S LIST AT HARVARD

Mothers everywhere are speechless.  Life is so exciting and unpredictable.  If you told me 5 years ago that I would be in college again, I would have said you were nuts.  But, had you said Harvard, and on the Dean’s List, well, I just might have bust out laughing.  My life has never been predictable.  I often times try and make sense out of the events of 2002.  My illness, and recovery.  I have tried to find meaning in all of that.  But now, I just try and focus on the present and future.  No one would have predicted that illness, and no one would have predicted Harvard.  So, what’s next?  A hit record?  Well, let’s not predict it.  I am actually so excited about getting to the end of this project.  It looks like we will not have enough time to film the video before the release of the album.  Oh well, it will be made eventually.  I hope all of you are well, and for anyone reading this, just remember some words from the normally pessemistic bald one: Anything is possible in this world.  We all have to overcome great challenges in one way or another, but the rewards far outweigh the struggle.  Stay the course. 

-rw

Thursday, June 17, 2004

KARMA

Ladies and gentlemen.

I have not been inspired to write as of late, but a single event has just come along and restored my faith in this world.

Background: The Song “Human”

The story behind the song: I was dating someone shortly after my first surgery.  I looked like shit.  I was out of shape, big beard, and my hair (or what’s left of it) grown in.  My self-esteem was at an all time low.  But, this “hot” blond was into me.  I wasn’t into her at first, but eventually went along with it.  I just couldn’t believe that anyone could be interested in me at that time.  It really helped my mood, depression, and overall outlook on life.  We dated for a short time, probably about a month.  We really hit it off (or so I thought).  We were making all sorts of plans for the future… not the distant future, but for my birthday and the next few months.  Then she missed a couple of nights in a row we were supposed to hang out, cancelling at the last minute.  I was a little suspicious, but tried to stay positive about the whole thing.  Then, the next day, i got an email that basically said:  “Russell, I have to be honest with you.  I have been seeing someone for about two years, and I can’t go out with you anymore.”

Reaction:  I was really hurt by this of course.  Her deception and dishonestly alone was enough to infuriate me.  She had said from the beginning that she was single, when in fact, she was screwing around behind her long term boyfriend’s back.  The next thing I hear on campus, everyone is talking about the huge rock on her finger.  People kept saying how “the last great one is off the market” When I knew the true story of what a lying, cheating, dishonest whore she was.  And NO, I’m not bitter in the slightest.  Thanks for asking.  I often thought about trying to contact this guy to let him know how slimy she was.  But, I let it rest.  That was a year ago.

The punchline:  I came in to work today and heard a coworker talking about her.  Apparently she was very upset.  Her engagement is off.  Her relationship is over.  I guess we can all cry a big tear for her.  For what was the reason for this?  Her fiance was screwing around on her.

I have always believed in karma, but rarely do we see such a clear example that the system actually works. 

The lesson:  Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.  And what goes around REALLY does come around.  THANKFULLY! 

Send any and all comments about this story to: karmarocks@russellwolff.com

Later!
-rw

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

not even calendar reminders

can get me to write.  i have failed in my mission.  i missed the entire month of may.  oh well… moving on, the semester is over.  just waiting for the grades now.  the album is basically finished.  we are still hoping to do a video, but for now we are focusing on getting it mixed and getting the graphics done.  i put an offer in on a house.  it was accepted.  inspection is this weekend.  scary, grownup feeling stuff… and I am considering buying a bike.  i have been in boston for 3 years now.  it’s about time i get one!  that’s the big update. 

other than that:
june 3rd, johnny d’s, davis square somerville, john kerry campaign fundraiser show.
june 6th, boston aids walk, 10:00AM, BU boathouse

see y’all out there
-rw

Friday, April 30, 2004

I suck

Well, not exactly.  I have just been feeling low.  And when I feel low, I don’t write.  I’m sure some of you out there can understand.  On a non-low, the album is coming along beautifully.  I plan to update everyone soon on the progress and also start the music video.  Know anyone interested in being in it?  thanks

-rw